真正的爱情

今晚出席了一个丧礼。听说刚过世的公公在生的时候，和他的太太是形影不离的。他们说，只要见到婆婆，就知道公公一定就在她后面。听到这个，突然很感触。以后，我和我的丈夫，会是这样吗？真的希望我们的感情能像他们一样，如此坚固，如此甜蜜。不管到了什么年龄，都还是彼此爱护，彼此依靠。

谁说爱情不能永恒，谁说没有金钱支撑的爱情是不切实际？今晚，我就见证了一对打破了这些错误的信念的夫妇。他们活到了八十多岁，彼此都苍老了，身体都很虚弱，两个都患有不同的疾病，但他们却仍然深爱着，扶持着对方。

真正的爱情，是可以长久的。不管他或她的样貌如何，不管他或她有没有钱，不管全世界对他们投什么眼光，只要他们之间有的是真正的爱情，它就能长久，他们就能永远幸福。因为幸福，只能用心去衡量，而不是金钱，美貌，或其他。

这，是我深信的。=）

To go? Not to go?

I have no idea what to think anymore... Which path should I take.. God, oh God... What am I suppose to do? Should I go? Should I stay? What's Your answer?

最近，特别想你。。不管自己多忙，脑袋总是能抽空想你一下。。

你，最近还好吗？

What do you do?

When things don't happen the way you'd like them to and everything seems to be going downhill; When the future becomes so uncertain, the question "where do you think you'd be in 3 years time" sounds like a joke; When you wonder if you've made the right decisions through your struggles; When you question if there is a reason behind everything that's happening, or is it just the consequences of your wrong decisions; When all the worries you can think of starts crashing on you at the same time; When you feel like you're all alone and no one would understand; When you feel like screaming your heart out, or jumping off a cliff, or just stay in bed and cry all day, even when you know it doesn't solve any of your problems; When you feel suffocated but there doesn't seem to be any way out... What do you do?

You can only cling on to the bible.. To the promises He gave you.. You can only cling on to faith.. Believing that our God is greater, and even if you did make a mistake, God is able to use it for good.. You can only cling on to joy, because you know depression will only eat you up and make things worse... You can only cling on to prayer, because He said prayer can move mountains... You can only cling on to God, because He knows your every thoughts and every tear, and He gives you strength to survive every single day... You desperately hold on to whatever God has to offer, because you realize nothing else really helps...

At the end, you see His power, His greatness, His majesty, His beauty, His glory, His mercy, His grace, and His love... You see Him in your life... And you stand in awe of Him...

The Beauty of Your Creation (rough)

It was a journey up to the mountains

When I saw the beauty of Your creation

The breathtaking view brought me to tears

This is how beautiful Your creation is

This was how it was when You said “It is good”

The beauty of the world the skies and the sea

The colours of love and majesty overlaps

Among the mountains and the clouds

I’m part of the picture

The perfect picture You had in mind

We’re part of the picture

The picture You created and loved

Everyone must know

Not one soul be blinded

Not one soul be wasted into the darkness of lies

God always prepares us

One morning while I was doing my devotions, I felt the Spirit of God telling me to be patient. At the time, I didn't think much about it, thought it was just some random thought or just a daily reminder kinda thing. But that day, the patient I was caring for was having her "down-day". It was quite hard for us carers, as she wouldn't respond, wouldn't eat nor drink for the whole day. At one point, I lost a little of my patience and tried to give her some water with a little bit more force, using merely human effort. Well, she did respond to it, but still didn't drink. At the end of the day, I had the "Moses" feeling, where he lost his patience towards the Egyptians and struck the rock.

While I was driving home, I thought about my day and my actions, and I remembered what the Holy Spirit was trying to tell me in the morning. Then it dawned on me that that was actually a reminder and preparation that God was giving me to face the day. He did ask me to be patient, just that I didn't take it seriously and did not apply it throughout my day. I should have taken it more seriously and clung on to it throughout the day. Then I realized, maybe God does it for us, every single time we are going to go through a difficult situation. He prepares us, but most of the time, we don't realize it. And because of our insensitivity to the Spirit, we ignore the preparations or "warnings", or we forget about it when we're in the difficult situation.

So next time, I shall be more sensitive and make sure I take whatever the Spirit is telling me seriously.. =p

Another type of flower to be added to my list of "flowers-i-like" =D

Saw a picture on my friend's blog and instantly fell in love with it. Don't get me wrong, I still love you my daisies =)

Aren't they beautiful? To me, it brings peace, beauty and purity. They're not fancy, they're not colourful, they're just of simple shape and a simple most common colour. But yet, in that simplicity, you find peace, and the beauty that you see when you look at it, seems like it comes from within, along with elegance, but not too much of it. Lovely! =)

The Power of Proclaimation

Currently I'm working as a personal care giver to a patient who has cancer and is currently bed-ridden. The patient and her family are Christians. Well, her daughter accepted Christ many years ago, but the patient herself is still a new believer. Due to their belief, they have a lot of Christian books about healing, and the patient's daughter has encouraged me to read the books to her mother and even to impart spiritual encouragement and read the bible to her mother. So throughout the period of taking care of this patient, I have actually gained a lot knowledge in divine healing. I must say, being a private personal care giver in someone's home is so different from being a nurse in a hospital. It is definitely a challenge for me. But through this challenge, I have learnt so much. I have learnt the power of faith in healing, the way healing works, and how faith can really move mountains, and have come to realize how small my faith is when it comes to divine healing. God really CAN heal and He is WILLING to heal those who are sick! Remember Jesus, there wasn't anyone who came to Jesus for healing and wasn't healed, except those who didn't actually believe He could. So really, our faith plays a huge role in healing. It's like, Jesus is giving us a gift - healing, (in fact, He has already given us the healing 2000+ years ago on the cross), but whether or not we receive it depends on us. We are the receiver. If the receiver is off, is not willing to receive, then how can the giver give? And when praying for healing, we should not doubt. We pray and we proclaim that we have receive healing. Because the fact is we do have it. We just gotta claim it and declare it and praise Him for it! =)

Yeap, it's easier to understand, but I know it takes even more courage to actually put the understandings into actions. But hey, we can do all things in God who strengthens us! =)

One day, the patient that I'm caring for had a very bad mood. Yes, every patient has their up-day and down-day, even normal people do. At first, I called that day a down-day. But it was far more than just down. She wasn't responding to anything. She didn't eat, drink nor talk. Only opened her eyes occasionally, but does not convey anything through them. Even when we inflict pain, she doesn't respond to it. It was that bad. It has happened a few times now, this time it got her daughters really worried, and they were thinking of inserting a nasogastric tube. She was the same when I went home. The next morning as I was doing my devotions, I had the urge to pray for her specifically in this matter. But my prayer was different that morning. I started of with the usual prayer asking God to bring her out of it, but after a while, I felt that I should declare God's power instead. I decided to proclaim that God is able and she is already being brought out of it. When I go to the house, I will see her smiling and she will be joyful. Now usually, proclaiming is not what I do, (sorry God for the little faith of mine), but that morning, I somehow had the courage to believe what I proclaimed and did not doubt at all. And when I arrived at the house, guess what! She was smiling! It happened! She was smiling, joyful, and she was back to normal, just even better! It actually took me a while to sink in the fact that the proclaimation actually worked! Not that I didn't believe that it would work, it's just that it was my first time, and I was just in awe.

That, is the power of proclaimation. =)


On another note, last week has also been a very hectic and stressful week for me. I had so much on my plate that I couldn't handle it. Some of the things were to find some equipments needed for our Christmas project, to practice bass as I was playing the Sunday, coordinate and preparing for practice on Friday, meet up with some friends as one of them is leaving to Singapore, prepare lessons for missions trip, and I was working for long hours every day. It was so heavy on me that the chinese phrase 压得我喘不过气 was literal. The stress alone made me cry a few times. In my quiet time, I commit the week into God's hands, I needed His guidance, I needed Him very much, it was impossible to make it without His help, literally. And in the end, I managed to manage my time well and did what I had to do well. And on top of that, my week ended well. All glory goes to Him. For I am 100% positive that without Him, the week would have been a disaster. Once again, God has proven to me His power and abilities. Praise the Lord! =D

给以后的自己

你绝对不能变成那个样子。就算是现在，十年，二十年，三十年后，永远都不可以。不可以还没看清楚事实的全部，就自己乱下定论，然后乱责怪别人，乱发脾气。下定论之后，又不再听别人所说的。别人说什么，自己都听不入耳，还扭曲真相。

因为这样，真的很伤身、伤神、和伤人。

别人告诉你你的错处，就应该反省，不是责怪别人。因为不是关心你的人，根本就不会理你，让你继续错下去。所谓当局者迷，旁观者清。

In my weakness He is strong

It was a busy week. The week that had just past was, I would say, one of the busiest weeks of my life. I accepted a request to help a church member to look after her mom who's bed-ridden. So I started work on Monday. I didn't have fixed working hours so I usually just stay on for 8 to 10 hours a day. I soon realize that it isn't as easy as I thought it'd be. Pretty tiring. And I didn't get enough sleep throughout the week. Apart from that, on Tuesday morning on my way to work, our senior pastor asked me to worship lead at a worker's conference that our church is having on Friday. I had no idea why I said yes to it. All these while I've been rejecting worship leading a crowd. The most I've done is in cell group, and sometimes even that could be awkward. Youth pastor and youth leader had asked me to lead in seminars and youth camp before but I always refused. I guess partly cause the person asking is my senior pastor? And partly because he didn't really give me a choice.. haha... I told him I'm bad in singing he said "Let's try". Oh well.. So even though I agreed, I was stressed. I'm not a good singer and almost the whole church is gonna hear me, I have stage fright, I don't know what songs to choose, I have never done it before, I was afraid. But yet, deep inside, there was a slight excitement. I was a little excited to see what God can do through me. So I continued on my week with the stresses of work, little sleep and preparing for worship leading. I was so worried throughout the week I felt even more tired. I guess the main problem was I was afraid to sing in front of people because of my bad singing and I wasn't sure if I could actually lead well.

Choosing the songs was one of the hardest things to do. I wanted to sing the songs that God wanted me to sing. I wanted the songs to be in line with the theme of the worker's conference. Somehow, my mind couldn't think of many songs that I could use. My song list changed and changed and changed. I was stressed. On Wednesday night, I was on my way to prayer meeting and in the car I was thinking about the songs and praying to God to show me His intentions. And I felt this "Just choose the songs, no matter what songs you choose, I can still minister and touch people through them." And during prayer meeting I requested my small group to pray for me and I felt the same. I teared. I was so engrossed with trying to choose the "right" songs that I forgot about God's power and His ability to work through us as long as we have a heart of a servant, despite our inabilities and weaknesses. So that night I continued to choose the songs and sort of decided on my list and started practicing. I still did not have total peace but I surrendered to God, left it there and went to bed.

The next morning, I woke up, and changed my list again, this time I had peace. That night I was practicing the songs and entered into a time of worship myself. He touched me, and I knew that He could do the same in church.

On Friday night, although I had practiced, I still felt nervous. I arrived at church to realize that I was going to be standing down the stage, near to the audience seat, while the musicians were going to be playing on stage.  So I was going to be alone. To make things worse, I didn't have lyrics to look at and I don't have feedback monitors to hear myself sing. And the speakers were in front of me so I was basically hearing the bounce back of my voice from the wall. The first song took up quite some time during practice just to get a key that I could sing comfortably in. It was hard. I couldn't sing it well. And that left little time for the rest of the songs. I was so nervous my palms were wet.

When the time came, I just took a deep breath and said my own short prayer "In Christ I can, Lord You use me, take control" I started off being very unstable. I was so focused on singing properly I was basically not worship leading. Yes I gave the signals to the musicians and I was singing in front, but I wasn't enjoying as much as I was suppose to enjoy. I didn't dare to jump up and down, I didn't clap, I was only singing - and not even singing good @_@. But it got better after a while as I slowly surrendered to Him and stopped focusing on my own singing. I realized, when I'm focused on my singing, I tend to go out of tune easier than when I'm only focusing on worshipping God. During worship time, I felt led to say prayers and to encourage the church members to worship Him. As I said before, I have stage fright and I have never said a prayer in a crowd without feeling nervous and having shakes in my voice. But that night was different. According to feedback from some of the members, they didn't hear a single tone of fear or nervousness. To God be all the glory. He has made me able. It was really Him leading, I am confident that if I was doing it on my own, it would have been a disaster.

To add on, today after church service I talked to a lady whom, I would say, is the best singer in our church. She is a backup singer, but has never led worship either. She told me, when she saw me leading, she felt encouraged. Even I, without having vocal training before, can go up and lead worship, while she has vocal training and can actually sing well, does not have the courage to take up that challenge. Worship leading has been in her heart, but due to her upbringing, she fears to be in front to lead. Just like how I felt. And she is now learning to be more courageous to do God's work. I was stunned when she told me that. I totally didn't expect that I would hear anything like that from anyone. God had used me to encourage others to take up this challenge! I'm amazed. =)

*Wow, this is a super long post >.<*

Apart from worship leading, this week has been a very encouraging, inspiring and exciting week. Through my work, through worship leading, through the worker's conference and even Sunday church service, God has given me the courage to speak up even more. He has given me the confidence to declare His word and to pray publicly without being as afraid as before. I feel like I'm slowly being released from a bondage. A bondage that has kept me from being who I can be for a very long time. It was truly also a week of refreshment, rededication and inspiration.

We had an altar call today and the altar was filled with our church members! Since last Sunday, after Rev. Jason Goh preached about the altar, and encouraged us to just stand at the altar after every service to just enjoy being at the altar, God has been moving people. It had inspire us to view the altar differently. Well, at least it is for me. =p  I usually think that, you only go to the altar when pastor gives a call, and you meet one of the requirements of the call. And I don't know since when, I've not gone to the altar as often anymore. But after his message, I realized, I was wrong. The altar is Jesus' feet. I can just go there without having any requests. I can just be there giving praise, I can just be there giving thanks, I can just be there to worship him, I can just be there to cry out to Him, I can just be there to be a step closer to Him. The pastor doesn't even always need to pray for me. =)

Usually after church service, pastor will ask the worship leader to lead the congregation in one last song to end the service. Today, something very exciting and stunning happened. As we were singing the song "Arise for the glory of the Lord", the whole worship team was pumped up and was enjoying ourselves, and suddenly, one of the members ran out from the audience seat to the altar, using his tie as a ribbon and started dancing! He was actually dancing, not just moving a little along with the music, but actually dancing! I was so excited, happy and encouraged that if I wasn't playing the bass on stage I would have joined him. I am just in awe. Although no one joined him today, but I believe and I am sure, that next week there will be. Slowly, in God's timing, the walls of our church will be broken down and we will be a vibrant church. A church declaring God's love and singing His praises without holding back. I'm so excited I can't wait to see what God is going to do!

After church service, I had missions training with a few guys as we are going for a missions trip at the end of the year. I'm so excited for that too! Yes, there are fears and uncertainties, but it still doesn't wash out the excitement I have and the anticipation to see what God can do.

Now, at the end of the week, I can say that, I really can do all things through Him who strengthens me. My schedule was so tight this week and throughout the week I wondered how am I going to survive through. But God has His ways and now, not only did I survived through, but I am also pumped up, excited, inspired and in awe of His greatness. Truly, in my weakness, He is strong. =)

So this is how it feels like to be left behind.

Day 6 in San Francisco (Aug 13)

There was a parade this morning in the city. Not sure what was it for but it seems like they were heading towards the Yerba Buena Gardens, one of the tourist attractions that we were going to later on. And because of that, the main street was closed and many of the public transport were not working or had to detour. =s That caused us and many others some difficulties. We had to try to take a different route to get to where we wanted to go - the Fisherman's Wharf. But it was ok coz we get to try a different type of public transport in San Francisco, which is the Subway. Well, actually it's just any other subways, nothing special really. =p
After we got off the subway, we came out on the east side of San Francisco, we were going to the ferry terminal to catch a ferry to the Fisherman's Wharf. The subway station was a short distance away from the terminal so we had to walk to get there. But along the street there was like a tourist marketplace where they sell many different kinds of things. There were the normal cheap jewelry stalls, souveneir stalls and etc. Oh, and there was a flying fox above the marketplace too! (think it's called flying fox). Then there was this stall that sells flute. Flutes that originate from Peru Bolivia. But a lot of the flutes are hand-made by the stall owner himself. The flutes are really interesting. They aren't in the shape of the normal flutes (ie the long rod-shaped). Some are in the shape
of a fish, some a whale, some a toad, and the original ones... like a bug without legs.. XD but they looked cute and they sound beautiful! The owner played some music using the flutes and that made me bought a couple.. XDD Irresistable.. =p

After we're done with our small shopping session, we headed to the terminal to realize that there wasn't a ferry to the wharf! We had to walk. Or take a tram, which we decided not to coz the queue was too long and we realized that almost every tram that arrived at the terminal was already so full that noone could get on it anymore. @_@ So we started our walk. According to one of the guys who was selling tickets at the ferry terminal, it takes about 15 minutes to g
et to the Fisherman's Wharf. But we soon realized that people here have a poor sense of time. XD It was quite impossible to reach around 15 minutes. Or many we're just walking way too slow. (i doubt so though).

On the way, I saw this. =) This is what I mean... Old love.. =)

They were walking in front of us and he never let her hand go, nor did she. And see that white coat he's carrying? It's hers. Such a cute couple.. =) <3

We finally arrived at the wharf after about an hour's walk, or 45 minutes... and it was beautiful! The sky was blue and the sea was blue and there were white-coloured boats parked at the piers. We walked into the central to hunt for food and decided to have our lunch at one of the seafood restaurants. The queue was long too and we had to wait for about 15 minutes to be seated. Meanwhile, I saw a Lefty's shop and went to get some souveneirs.. ngehehe... It was quite crowded at the wharf. Lots of tourists and even locals. Alot of shops and restaurants around. It's a very merry place. =) Oh and the fruits sold there are big and nice too! We bought some cherries while waiting to be seated too. XD PS. we didn't have to actually stand in a line to be seated. They gave us a "ufo plate" - like the ones in Snowflake. And we could go somewhere else while waiting. Then when it was our turn the plate would light up and vibrate. smart! =D

Lunch was pretty good. Just that it isn't really my kinda food. A lot of the seafood were deep-fried and dry. But they tasted good. Oh and we had fresh oysters! =D I think sydney's fish market has better food though. =p

After lunch we went around to explore the place a little and I found this! =D

Small and cute little daisies.. white and purple! =D

We were suppose to go to Alcatraz, but we didn't coz again, the queue was too long. We saw it from far though.. hehe.. From the Fisherman's Wharf. After a while mom was getting tired so we started our journey back. In San Francisco, or I'm guessing in the whole of US and Canada, you'd see a lot of super bikes and those big bikes, don't think they have motorcycles like ours in Malaysia.

and other weird stuff, like a bicycle without paddles... @_@

and a scooter like thing. The scooters that kids usually play have wheels on the front and back, but these ones are on the sides and the board is in between. Quite fun-looking.. XD Didnt manage to get a photo of that one though.. =(

Greater Love

Read a devotion last night and it talked about love. God's command for us to love Him and other. About how we should love everyone. Not only those that we're comfortable with. Truly, I have heard sermons, read devotions, articles, books etc on this topic, and undoubtly every Christian would have too. But really, how easy it is to foget this great command? It's always easy to talk about it, discuss about how we could fulfill this command. But when reality hits us, out on the streets, at school, at our workplace, in a restaurant, on a public transport, or even at home, how often do we actually practice this command? How often do we allow our emotions take over and forget the sovereign command that God has called us to follow?

This devotion message has once again reminded me of my attitude and my behaviour lately. When I walk on the streets near my brother's apartment and see different types of people, those who are not being welcomed in the "normal" society, I've tried to avoid them as much as I can. Every time I'd hope that none of them would notice me, none of them would talk to me. I have been driven by fear. I didn't even realize it until this morning when I was walking again on the streets this thought suddenly cam to me. Why am I so afraid? Why am I avoiding them? Even to the extent of not wanting even an eye contact with them. Then I tried to analyze and realize that it was because of the stereotype that people often have towards these people, the behaviour that they have that was out of the norm, my mom's concern for bro's safety, and the unknown - not knowing who they are, what they would do to us and if they have any transmittable diseases. It slowly but quietly lead me to believe that these people are dangerous and I should stay away from them. The fear had taken control of my thoughts and behaviour and I had forgotten God's command. Just like that, without me even realizing it.

Last night, reading this devotion reminds me again and confirms of what God is trying to tell me. I can't be afraid of them. I can't be like other people, staying away from them and trying my best to avoid them. Of course, I have to protect myself too and can't just blindly believe that I would never be harmed. But we are called to follow Christ's steps and that's what He did. He went against stereotype and got close with those whom people stayed far away from. He wasn't afraid of them. Instead, he showed people how pointless their fear was. He showed us how to love. We need to love those who are close to us, but even more, we need to love those who we aren't close with, and those whom people have abandoned, those whom people of the word do not love.

It also reminded me of myself when I was young. When I was a child I had no idea of how dangerous the world and people can be. All I believed was everyone is good. No matter what they did, or what they said. There's always good inside of them. And so, I saw people in their good. I was able to accept everyone. I befriended those whom people refused to be friends with. I was blind and ignorant towards the dangers of the world and the evil. But now, I guess I've become worse in that sense. I have begun to conformed to the world and starting to be part of it. I have prejudice, no matter how hard I try to deny it, the stereotype had already sunk into my brains and it's undeniable. I have people whom I wouldn't quite like to be friends with, there are people whom I'm afraid of and wouldn't want to go close to, there're now people whom I try to find good in them, but fail.

I'm so disappointed with myself. Can't imagine how disappointed God would be. Now, I have to always consciously remind myself of these weaknesses and I have to change. I need to be blind again, this time though, with a pinch of wisdom. =)

Well, that's pretty clear theoretically, and I really thank God for reminding me the essence of love. Now, it's the practical test. Let's see what happens.


Love God with all my heart and all my soul and all my strength, and love one another as He loved me.

Day 5 in San Francisco (Aug 12)

First day of proper vacation! =D

We went to the visitors centre in the morning to get some info about the places that we planned to go, then started our journey to the Golden Gate Bridge, our main point of interest for this trip! On the way to the bus stop, we saw some people performing on the streets. One was tap dancing and the other was a mone man band. The one man band was really cool. He was playing a guitar, harmonica, and drums AND singing all at the same time! Amazing! hehe... We continued our walk to the bus stop and arrived at Union Square, where I saw a drawing that I really liked. It was a drawing of a sea or lake, just black and white (grey-scale) with some sticks standing in the water. A very calm and peaveful yet mysterious drawing. Hehe.. But too bad mom ignored me when I told her about it and bro just said "yea".. How I wish there'd be someone who could discuss the drawing with me.. lala~ (not that I know much about drawings or paintings... maybe just wanting someone to agree and elaborate on what I was thinking.. =p) Oh well~

There were heart-shaped things on each corner of the square

and I found just the right one for you~ <3

At 12.40pm, we arrived at the Golden Gate Bridge. It's spectacular! It looked like Tsing Ma Bridge in Hong Kong, just that it's red, longer and taller. =p As this is a tourist hotspot, we saw many tourists, as well as locals touring the place. Some taking their daily jog or just hanging around, getting away from their busy routined life.. After taking some pictures near the beach, we decided to go on the bridge to have a walk. Mom was a little reluctant as the bridge was pretty long, but we promised her that we won't walk too far. After all, walking too much is gonna be painful for her and we don't want that, right? =) Walking on the bridge gives us a different view of the bridge as well as the city. As we neared the first pole of the bridge and look back, San Francisco city looked so pretty with some of the lights on and the ocean and beach being its border. On the ocean there were many white-coloured yachts. The harmony of the white yachts and the bluish-green ocean was breath-taking.

People were also allowed to ride bikes on the bridge. And so there were many who opted to ride across it rather than walking. I'm pretty sure there was a place for them to rent bikes, although I didn't see where it was. =p

On another more personal note. In the future, maybe 10 or 20 or 30 years down my life, I wonder if my future husband would still hold my hand and I hold his, both of us walking at the same pace to explore the beauty of the world. I pray that as our age increase, so does our love for each other. I would learn to love what he loves and vice versa. We'd walk at the same pace no matter where we go or what we do. He wouldn't leave me behind, nor would I leave him behind. He wouldn't leave me behind just to see something beautiful that caught his eye and I'm too slow to keep up to his pace, nor would I do the same. We would love each other too much to let our hands go for anything at all of the world, no matter how old we grow or how ugly we become.

Next, we went to the Golden Gate Park. We had our lunch at one of the stalls available in the park. Hotdog and Hot chocolate! =D


We went to the Japanese Tea Garden first after lunch. It was beautiful! It was a garden filled with green trees, leaves, grass and colourful flowers! (more of greens though). There was a tall round bridge in the garden, where we took some pictures. =) All the decorations and the way the place was set up was very Japanese-style. (hence the name.. =p) It is a very peaceful place. Although it's a tourist attraction, the ambience of the place is still good and calm. The natural fragrance from the plants filled the place and relaxes the soul. I truly enjoyed it.

(pictures to come soon)

Walking through these gardens and places with beautiful sceneries reminds me of you. I can imagine what we'll be talking about if you were here, how you'd be snapping photos away, but not too much coz you'd want to walk and enjoy the moment with me, how you'd be walking very slowly through the paths, holding my hand. Every time I go on a holiday, I can only imagine that you're right here with me, enjoying and experiencing the world with me.

Next, we went to the Picasso exhibition, in which I got to know more about who Picasso was and understand more about his life and his artwork. I found his artwork to be very fascinating and it really takes a thorough understanding of his life to fully appreciate his art. He really was a smart guy who was able to use drawings, paintings and sculptures to record his life journey. One thing about him that I like is that he apparently doesn't quite like abstract art! According to one of the walking tour guides in the exhibition, there's always some reality in his artwork. He based his artwork on the reality of life. No matter how abstract the art may seem, or how difficult it is to understand a drawing, once we understand it and know how to look at it, it's actually something about reality, something about his life. Through his artwork we'd be able to see bits and pieces of his life, the culture of his people, the places that he's been to and even political issues during his time. But well, of course, I'm far from understanding Picasso, therefore I don't really understand a lot of his work. =p

On the way to catch the bus back, we walked through a pretty old area of the city. Its buildings have very old designs. Old, but cute. And they have many colours! Like on one of the streets I saw lemon, white, pink, blue and olive-coloured houses! Some with a pretty garden too! =D Bro said he'll consider moving to this area next year.. XD Afterll it's so near to the Golden Gate Park, which is a beautiful and peaceful place to relax and even do some artwork I reckon.. XD

Day 4 in San Francisco (Aug 11)

Today everything went pretty smoothly. We had to look for more stuff for bro that we couldnt get yesterday and we got them all at one place today - Walgreens! Love it! =p Everytime we walked to a bus stop to catch a bus, the bus came immediately. Good timing! =D

Anndddd...... I got my iPod!!! FINALLY!! After dreaming about it for so soo long! =DD Got an iPod touch. (For those whom I've "consulted", I decided to get the touch rather than the nano.) Really feel like buying both tho... but think i'll just stick to touch and a normal mp3 for now.. needa get that mp3 when i'm home! Lately my legs have been itching to jog.. hmm... but i refuse to jog in the neighbourhood that i'm in now. So gotta wait till i get home i guess... Maybe i should try out the gyms back home.. =p Realize that it's easier to run on a treadmill than on the ground or roads outside.. but i guess if I'm training for missions it'd be better if i train on normal roads outside? =p

Bro got a prepaid broadband USB stick so internet's back again! =D Just that it's not wifi so I can't access app store to dl anything for my iPod.. =( Oh well, just gotta wait for a lil while more! Hehee..!

Oh, I forgot to mention in my previous posts that walgreens and Starbucks are everywhere! Starbucks is like 7-11 in Melbourne, there's at least one on almost every street! Well, that's in the city of course.. XD

We went to the markets in Chinatown too and got some groceries. In Chinatown, we passed by a... I'm guessing it's a restaurant bar with karaoke.. =p Not sure what it was, and there was either someone singing or they're playing some oldies song on cd. It was an oldies Chinese song. The moment I heard the music and I stood in front of the "whatever-place-it-was", it felt like I had gone back in time n arrived at some old street of the 70s. Although it was short as I was only passing by, the feeling was strong. I guess it was the combination of the song, the type of music, the atmosphere inside the place, the setting outside and the fact that we were in Chinatown, that gave me such a strong feeling. For a split second I thought I had actually left San Francisco 21st century and arrived in Shanghai 1970s. Mom agreed too. Interesting. =D

For dinner, mom cooked some simple n tasty good food! =) Mom cooked a little too much rice though and I just blurted a question. "Why did you cook so much? We can't finish them." Then it hit me again of how blessed I am! To be able to complain that there's too much food to eat, when there are so many people in the world dying of starvation everyday. I don't even need to think of people in Africa or India. There're plenty of homeless people on the streets right below our apartment right now. There'd be people who haven't had a decent meal for ages. Thank God for all these blessings! Not forgetting of course my precious iPod! XD

Everyone's so tired today. Me too.. Not quite sure if I'm still having jetlag, or is it all the travelling and stress, plus not having proper sleeps for nights that's draining me out. Hmm.. Guess it's a mixture of everything! =p

Tomorrow we shall start our vacation! Can't wait! Better get some sleep already! Good night! =D

Day 3 in San Francisco (Aug 10)

Today is the day! We moved out from Holiday Inn and into bro's apartment. But before that, we had breakfast at Burger King. Ordered my favourite whopper jr and it was small! Smaller than Malaysia's.. hmmm... hmm and wasn't as tasty as Malaysia's. Malaysia's Burger King wins! Congratz Malaysia! =p

We called a cab to pick us from the hotel to bro's apartment. When the taxi driver knew where we wanted to go, his response was... not very good. He kept quiet for a while, but not in a good way. So we asked, we had to pester him to tell us until he finally said that the area is bad. Dad asked him in what way, he just said bad. =.= Dad then asked him where in the city would be good? Then he said, everywhere but there is good. @_@ Oops, all the best to my brother! But I'm thinking it's just their prejudice towards the area. So far, I realize that, even though the place looks bad, poor and the people are scary and dirty, as long as you don't provoke them they won't actually bother you. Not sure about night time though, when most likely more of them would be drunk and depressed. 'll just pray for bro's safety and hope that he'll be able to move out as soon as he can, to a much better place! Maybe in one of the more beautiful n peaceful outskirts. =)

After moving in all our luggages, we had some lunch, then headed out to bro's Academy to check the place out and settle some administrative stuff. His Academy looks awesome! So artsy! On the walls of the building facing outside, there are glass windows and display areas displaying artworks of various students from various courses in the Academy. They all look so good it actually feels like i'm walking through an exhibition. Then walking into the building is like another exhibition too! Along the corridors there are students' pictures, paintings and drawings hanging on the wall, as well as display windows displaying 3D or 4D kind of artworks. So so cool! All the artworks look so professional and good that I wouldn't think that they're works from students, rather, from professionals. =D I was so absorbed in admiring the artworks I totally ignored my brother and things that he had to do. Well, he didn't really need me anyways. XD Also, the staff there are extremely friendly! The friendliest people in San Francisco I reckon! =p

After settling almost everything that needed to be settled, he went to get a new account opened, while mom and I went to a nearby Starbucks to satisfy my cravings for a good hot cup of cuppacino! =D Finally! XD Starbucks here is so cheap my tall cuppacino only cost me $2 smtg. =D (that's if you don't convert back to ringgit Malaysia of course). We had to rush back after bro settled his account to received the furnitures that was being delivered. The apartment looks so much better now with all the furnitures in. So exciting! =D

After arranging all the furnitures, we headed out once again to hunt for beddings. Got a suggestion from one of the cashiers at Walgreens to look in Ross (a place that sells clothings, housewares and some miscellaneous stuff at a cheaper price), and so we went. And walah! We got almost everything we needed there! =D Was dead tired by the end of it and went straight home to a decent meal (finally!) served by mom. =D Aww~ Thanks mom! hehehe...

No internet this day, that's why the late post. Sorry! Getting late so will post more about yesterday and today tomorrow!

Day 2 in San Francisco

Another exhausting day. Full of ups and downs.

Family woke up early in the morning again today. We were going to view another apartment because we couldn't make it yesterday. So after getting ready we headed to the apartment at 8am, without having breakfast. We viewed the apartment and thought it was good. Although it's smaller than the other one that bro was gonna take, the surrounding environment was much better and the place was cleaner. Furthermore, we were told that a lot of students lived there as well. So we decided to apply. But the application would take 3 to 7 days to process, so it was a risk, and we were planning to pester the people to hurry up our application. Fingers crossed we'd get the place before we leave for Canada.

As we walked out of the apartment, we saw another apartment right across the road that has a room for rent. So we walked in and inquired about it. We were brought to the room to view it and it was much better! Of course, the price was a little higher. But the place was so good, we decided to take it anyways. The environment was better, EVEN cleaner that the one opposite, the unit is bigger, and apparently even more students live there. Haha... So we took a form and filled it in while we had breakfast. We were told that the fastest they could process the application would be about a day, or more. But well, at least it might be faster than the other one. The day started off pretty good. We had breakfast (the cuppacino was so small though... =.=) (picture to come soon) Couldn't satisfy my cravings at all.

Anyways, we headed back to the second apartment after breakfast to hand in the application. And O.M.G. we got it. HA! Right on the spot! He checked our details, confirmed payment and that's it! We got it! It was so quick! It was quite hard to believe. hahaha... It didn't even take an hour! Wow... God IS good! =DD He gave us the best! hahahaa....

Then, we had to check out from our hotel to move in to the other one. But since we got the apartment, we thought of just cancelling our reservation at that hotel and move into the apartment. This, is when the day starts to go down. Dad called the hotel and apparently we couldn't cancel the room without paying a cancellation fee, which is the charge of one night's stay. Mom and dad then had a fight over it, 'cause mom thinks it's nonsense, since we haven't paid anything yet. But that's the hotel's policy, so we decided to just stay for one night and cancelled the second night (without a charge). As we arrive at the hotel, we realize that this hotel is even better than the one we stayed in the last two nights! It's new, modern, cleaner, more comfortable and the room's bigger! =D They even have a gym on our floor! Nice place, we were delighted! heheh... Day went up again~

We headed out again after a while to start our hunt for furnitures. The manager at the apartment told us we could find furniture stores on Mission St, between 16th and 24th St, so that's where we went. It was a mexican area, we deduced from the surroundings and people. XD We soon found the furnitures bro needed (some arguments in between about which ones to get again, but not too major) and the delivery could only be made earliest tomorrow. So thank God once again for insisting on us staying in the hotel. So we wouldn't have to sleep on the floor and get a good night sleep tonight. (which would much be needed after things that happen later in the day). Next, we headed to Chinatown to get some kitchen appliances and other homewares needed for the apartment, and some food. This Chinatown is big and it was so hard to find the shops! But we found one (something like the cheap asian shops we get on high street, Melbourne) and we bought almost everything we needed there. XD After shopping, it was so hard to get a taxi from the shop we were at. Not many taxis pass through that particular street, plus, it was just after office hours, so we stood there for around an hour and still couldn't get a taxi. @_@ So we decided to have dinner at a Chinese restaurant next door then try again later when traffic would be less busy. The choice of the restaurant just lead us to another "down" of our day. Mom ordered some 田螺。*Mom just told me it's called 'snail' in English..... Err..... *disgusted** >< Well, I didn't find it very appetiting when I saw it but tried some anyways. Didn't quite like the taste of it. When i took my second piece, there were so many "baby snails" in it, it was so disgusting. I spat everything out, just couldn't swallow it. (Not that the baby snails were edible, just that the taste of it and the thought of having many baby snails in my mouth, with a piece of snail's meat just... isn't very good.. =s) All four of us had the same problem. The "snails" were full of "baby snails" - most of them. Mom was very upset so she asked for the waitress and complained about it. The waitress insisted that it is normal to have "baby snails" in the "snails", but mom said usually it shouldn't be. Occasionally a few might have, but what we had today was too much. Apparently it's the season when the "snails" breed that's why a lot of them have "baby snails" in them. But that means they shouldn't sell it, 'cause it's barely edible.. =s They insisted that it was normal, but after some argument they changed the dish for us to something better. I realize that people here in the service line do not have the "customers are always right" attitude. They always insist that they are right and the customers are wrong, and they never apologize for anything. Then I thought that maybe it was just the asians.. But I was proved wrong right away.

*Also just remembered during dinner that we didn't have lunch, but I was still not as hungry as how I would usually be, and did not have any appetite to eat.. I couldn't even finish my tiny bowl of rice... =.= What's wrong with me? Mom said I was too tired. I reckon it's that, plus the food (not nice...)

After our dinner we tried our "luck" with the taxis again and got one after a while. Turned out to be the worst taxi experience I've ever had. We were suppose to go to "Turk St", but the driver misheard my dad and thought we wanted to go to "Third St". When we almost arrived at "Third St" and wondering why he was driving this direction, mom popped the question and asked if we were going the right direction. Dad realized we were going to the wrong place and clarified with the driver, and thus starts the fight with the taxi driver (only verbally though). It was bizarre, really too much for my small brains to understand - Apparently the taxi driver clarified with dad earlier that it was "Third St". But due to the accent and inaccuracy of pronounciation dad had, he misheard it as "Third St", when dad really meant "Turk". When the taxi driver clarified, dad misheard it as "Turk", instead of "Third", so he thought it was right. @_@ When the taxi driver pronounced "Third", it sounded like "Thuk", when dad pronounced "Turk", it sounded like "Thirk". Well it's really hard to type out how they actually sounded like, but basically, both weren't pronouncing the words accurately. But that's alright, hey, just a minor miscommunication. The thing was, the driver scolded us! Said we wasted his time, and can't pronounce properly etc. Blaming us for it. He was so pissed off he even pounded his fist on the driving wheel. Seriously. What is wrong with this person. Not like his pronounciation was flawless. He doesn't even have a proper American accent! And does he really have to be so angry? Not like we're not paying for that extra time wasted. Oh, and before that, dad asked him if he knew the apartment, his attitude was... B-A-D. "I don't know man, u gotta show me". ............... A taxi driver, asking a passenger to show him. What if we didn't know where it was? What if it was only our first time to the place?? Really... B-A-D. And, dad did tell him the number of the building, but when we were on the street, he wasn't even looking out for the building! We had to tell him that it was that building. I can bet my whole life that if we didn't tell him, he wouldn't have stopped, and if we tell him later on that he missed it, he'd scold us again for not telling him earlier. Or smtg along that line. So yea, I was proven wrong, most people in the service industry in San Francisco, have issues with their ego and service attitude. Never apologizing, not humble at all, not willing to give in, blame their customers, and are even willing to make a scene just to prove themselves right. Hmph.

That spoilt mom's mood totally and due to some reasons, she had a big fight with my bro. Great. Mom didn't talk to bro until the end of the day - which is now, both of them are asleep. =( But mom felt better i guess after I came back from the gym. ---Yeap! I went to the gym! XDD First time in my life! hahaha... it's just a small gym that they have here in the hotel. Thought I'd just try it out since it was just a few rooms away.. XD Did some running and cycling.. Feels good.. Keke...

Ah~ What a day.... Hmm.. Another addition: San Francisco, especially in the downtown area, isn't a very decent place. Streets are very old, and there are all sorts of people roaming around. Homeless people who are walking around with all their possessions in a trolley (the kind that they have in supermarkets), beggars, African-Americans, Americans, decent people, people who are half naked, people with handicap, people who are on wheelchairs but are using their legs to move the wheelchair (yea... weird.. maybe they have some conditions that doesn't involve the legs but requires them to use a wheelchair. no idea.), drunkards, people with mental issues...etc... Sometimes we'd pass by a spot and there's this strong, urine smell. Very bad. Sometimes the smell comes from humans. I'm thinking some of them haven't bathed in ages. So yea..

Up till now, the impression I get towards San Francisco just gets worse each day. Of course I've only been to a very small area of SF, so I hope that the following days would change my impression would change to be better when we travel to other areas of the city! =)

Thank God for His good timing and good plans for today! =)

Day 1 in San Francisco

Exhausted.

After roughly 20 long hours of plane ride (including transit), We've finally arrived in San Francisco International Airport at almost 9pm, 7/8/2011. China Airlines was good, in terms of service and entertainment. Touch screen tv with a good selection of movies and music. However, the food was.... they have a great space for improvement. =) Had a few hiccups at the airport, but all was good. Immigration officers here are so much more professional and serious about their job than..... I think.

Stepping out of the airport into the cool breeze of the night feels great, reminds me of Melbourne. Then entering into town, meeting English sign boards and trams, brings back even more memories. At the hotel, we had another hiccup where the room that we booked was not available! @_@ They were fully booked and had gone a little "kelam-kabut", I'd say, over their bookings and administration. Oh well, at least they still had a room for us to stay in. It wasn't that ideal though. We had to squeeze 2 rollover beds into the room and there was hardly any space left to walk after we did that. But we survived. So all's good, though mom wasn't happy. =(
Bed time at 2 something am.

By 6.30am in the morning, the whole family was already wide awake. Mom didn't even sleep much throughout the night, jetlag I guess, which resulted in my disturbed sleep 'cause I was on the same bed.. =s Ah~ It really feels good waking up to cool weather and being able to wear my jacket, scarf and my favourite pair of boots! =D The streets of San Francisco South of Market looks old. The buildings are old too. We looked for a cafe to have breakfast, and on the way I saw this:

(picture to come soon)

=) God must have known that I was missing someone. =))

We had breakfast at a small breakfast cafe, which mom had.. I'd say one of her worst breakfasts ever. No, she wasn't happy at all. I thought it was pretty funny though. Reason was, she ordered a pork chop, (already that order itself was weird), and it turned out hard as a rock and mom broke her knife trying to cut it. Hahaha... Really, literally, she broke her knife. The owner got her another one, and she tried to cut the pork again, but it wasn't good at all. According to her, it was dry and hard. I didn't try, but I poked it with my fork and confirmed it was too hard for me. XD She asked if she could change the pork to sausage but the owner said no and insisted that that was how Americans (or, at least people in San Francisco) like their pork being done. She got so angry she almost burst out scolding them. Good thing she didn't, but she sweared that she'd never go back there again. hahaha....

Then, we started our hunt for sim cards, adapters and bro's apartment. Got our sim cards without any problems. Then when we started to look for adapters, that's when the nightmare started. We needed to get an adapter with a transformer in it, but those that we found on the streets were too expensive. So dad decided that we should try Chinatown. But due to our unfamiliarity of the place, we had no idea where to look. We just walked around on the streets in Chinatown looking everywhere for an electrical shop. Mom got so frustrated. But we found what we needed anyways, then headed back to the hotel.

After resting for a while and confirming the places we need to go for our apartment hunt, we started our loong hunt. Our times got messed up a little and bro apparently wanted to look at a few places where he did not even have their exact address. So we ended up walking a lot but not much result. 到处碰钉子，还找不到地方，也走了一些冤枉路。Mom was so angry! >.< In the morning she expressed her dissatisfaction about not having a decent meal for 2 days, then had a long day walking, with arguments with dad and bro because of not being sure of where we're walking and walking to walk so far. Must have been a tough couple of days for her! Some time during our search I saw another one!

(picture to come soon)

=) Makes me smile. When I think of you, situations around don't seem that bad anymore.

And...

(picture to come soon)

I guess God does have some really interesting ways of cheering people up. hehee....

We came back after being unsuccessful in finding any apartment and changed our strategy. As soon as we returned to our room, mom dozed off almost right away. Now we're extending our stay in another hotel and continue searching for apartments tomorrow. But! God is so good at about 4pm bro found 3 apartment units that are quite reasonable in their pricing and are at better locations than the ones we looked before. So he grabbed the opportunity and booked down one of them that he had had a look at. Then later in the night, bro and dad went to the other ones that they didn't get the chance to look at during the day, to survey the surrounding area and found that it was even better and the price was cheaper! So we're gonna go there first thing in the morning tomorrow to have a look and start applying. God please give us the best one! =)

Oh, and the hotel gave us our room that we originally booked, so now we're in a much comfortable room. =) And we managed to book our stay in another hotel for the next 2 days, so everything seems fine now, despite a pretty exhausting day. =))

Another small funny thing, mom needed to use the toilet when dad was using. Was so funny to see her knocking on the door asking dad to hurry up while holding in her.... hehee... (i'm evil...) =p Day started off well, ended well. Though in between was pretty tough, but we made it through. And hey, we're still one happy family. =)


*All the other 3 of the family had just done their big business in the same bathroom, and now i'm about to have my shower in the same bathroom. Hmm........... >.< (thank God for ventilators =p)

Beginning to love some other varieties of daisies... ^^ <3

Something small =)

He said, "You motivate me to finish my assignment." =))

因为。。所以。。

因为有了期待，因为兴奋，所以才会有失落。。

没关系。哭过了，就算了。反正这种事情，本来就不该被勉强。

因为即将分开，所以特别珍惜。

最熟悉的陌生国度

啊~在寒冷的天气里冲一个热水澡，感觉真好，好得我都不想离开冲凉房，不想离开热水。但是，事实是我必须离开，我必须回到外面，继续完成我未完成的事情。这感觉真正反映了我现在的心情。从寒冷的墨尔本回到了温暖炎热的马来西亚；经过了三年半的离乡背井，远距离的爱情考验，以及不属于自己的风俗习惯，终于回到了自己的家，自己熟悉及所爱的人身边。那感觉真好，好得我不想再离开了。但是，我必须再一次离开我温暖的窝，来到这个寒冷的国度，来完成我必须完成的事情。虽然时间只有短短的三个星期，心里还是很难过。

对了，我又回到了墨尔本。第一天回到来，想说买麦当劳来吃，却遇到了对外国人不友善的店员，搞得我浑身不自在。

走在大学里，有种即熟悉又陌生的交集感。原本很熟悉的地方，如今已不再让我感到温暖，反而很陌生，让我觉得我不再属于这里。

这里明明是我过去三年半所住的地方，我了解这个地方，我了解这里的人。但现在，竟感觉如此陌生，还比一般的游客害怕，不知所措。真不知我过去三年半是怎么在这里生活的。为什么会有这样的感觉？究竟是哪里出了差错？我这么快就完全脱离了这个国度吗？好想回家。

不舍

I miss miss miss miss miss you!!!! =(((

想念到连收拾行李都力不从心，有气无力。想到这两个星期我们之间会隔着一个大海洋，就觉得难受。奇怪了，以前是这样的吗？为什么这次离别好像特别难过？虽然只有短短的几个礼拜，却还是很难过，很不舍。

之前说了不用你来送机，因为你从槟城回来大概会很累，更何况我们过一下子就会见面了。但是现在，我想反悔了可以吗？想再见你一面。。。

Ben & Ivy's wedding

She was the happiest bride I've ever seen. =)

Today I attended Ben & Ivy's wedding. A couple from John's church. It was the sweetest wedding I've attended, with the best atmosphere and the happiest and brightest bride, as well as the blur-est bridegroom. XD

When she stepped into the sanctuary, walking down the aisle, happiness and excitement was just beaming from her face and smile, it could not be contained. When everyone is focusing on the beautiful and elegant bride walking down the aisle, I like to look back at the groom. Today I saw the excitement in his eyes, the love and happiness that could not be masked. It was a beautiful day.

Throughout the ceremony, Ivy teared over and over again. When we were worshiping God, when her friends gave testimonies about her and her relationship with Ben, when she received wishes from her beloved ones...... I wonder what was going through her mind, her heart. The emotions must have been so overwhelming (in a lovely way).

As they were saying their vows, many mistakes were made especially by the groom. Hahaha... guess he was that nervous. Or, maybe he was drown in her eyes and wasn't paying full attention to what was being said. =p But it was funny, we were entertained. Hahaha... And at the end of his vow, Ivy gave a big encouragement by initiating a round of applause for him! =D What a good spirit! Hehe! And then, the ceremony ended with the couple dance-walking out the sanctuary accompanied by a cute song! *Awwhhh~ love that!* =D

**I like weddings filled with happiness, love, romance, laughter, warmth and tears of joy.**

The wedding dinner was great too! The ambience was great. A ballroom decorated with purple flowers and pink candles. The lights were warm and the people were happy. When the time came, the couple stepped into the ballroom and walked down the aisle singing a song together! How sweet! There were also a few presentations and a funny yet sweet game! Haha and of course, not forgetting the toasts! *think I need to get some ear plugs when John throw toasts beside me.. =p* There was no karaoke, I guess no one got drunk either, it wasn't too traditional (chinese) but maintained the important elements of our tradition. It was warm and sweet, filled with laughter and joy. The bride and groom were so natural and did not hold back their joy throughout the day. They were themselves. It was the best wedding dinner I've been to so far.

I heard that they have gone through much in their relationship and have come to marriage's door. They've chosen to step into it together with courage and faith. Although I do not know them well, I see a sweet couple strong in their faith with God and each other blooming. I wish them all the best and to grow more and more in love with each other through the years to come. =)

简单而温暖的幸福和感动

今天和牧师在聊天，聊到了他有时候会带他的孩子到路边摊买吃的，然后聊天。他说，他爸爸在他小时候也偶尔会这样。这些时候多半都是吃很简单，很便宜的食物。但也是在这时候，父子之间真诚的交流是最有意义，也是最难忘的。这令我回想起小时候爸爸也会在每个周末带我和弟弟到快餐店吃，或到公园玩乐、野餐。那时侯的我们，都很开心、很幸福。

是什么时候开始，我们忘了这简单而温暖的幸福？是什么时候开始，我们一心只追求物质上的享受，须要华丽的衣裳、昂贵的首饰、或者名牌的包包或汽车，才能满足心里的空虚？是什么时候开始，我们不再为吃了那值五十仙的雪糕而兴奋、满足？是什么时候开始，幸福和快乐，变得如此难以拥有？是什么时候开始，我们内心的衣橱里多了许多面具，常常需要费劲心思选择恰当的面具来伪装自己？

在繁忙的时候，很多简单但能温暖人心的人事物往往都会被我们抛到脑后。我们开始沉溺在那追求物质与潮流享受的世界里，直到我们忘了那纯净的自己，忘了那种简单而温暖的幸福。

我喜欢简单而温暖的幸福和感动。

I miss the daisies I love.....

有时候，无声胜有声

下午五时四十五分，女孩下班了。她在风雨雷电交集的天气里塞着车行驶在回家的路上，心情开始随着天气变低落。这时，她的手机响了。原来是男孩寄来的简讯。“宝贝，下班了吗? 外面正下着大雨，你驾车要小心哦！回到家告诉我。” 顿时，女孩原本寒冷的心温暖了起来。嘴角两边微微上扬，充满幸福。之前所有的不愉快，都像原本写在沙滩上的字，被一股热浪给冲走，消失了。

*只因为心情不太好，不太想说话；只想闭上眼睛，静静地依偎在你胸膛，细心地聆听你的心跳与潮水联合奏出的音乐，凭心感受海风吹过的清爽；享受这无声胜有声的情景。

**自私地不想拥抱，却只想被拥抱。

24/04/2011 Easter Sunday

I am finally baptized. =D 24/04/2011. With my family and loved ones witnessing! How amazing God is and how blessed am I!

Thank you Jesus for Your perfect timing. Thank you Jesus for hearing my heart's desire. Thank you Jesus for loving me. When I look back to all the years of struggle and the peace that you gave over this matter, I now understand why everything happens as how it did. You are amazing. =)

The time when the church that I attended in Australia required the worship team members to be baptized to be their member, how I struggled over it, how I talked to my mom and the promises that she made, the changes that she made to her promises; the time when you placed Jessica with me at the right time to comfort me and used her to speak to me, when your peace filled me and took away my worries; the time when the leader of the worship team in that church prayed along with the senior pastor and then decided that I could be in the team; the time when the date for baptism was changed; and finally the time, when my family all turned up on Easter Sunday to witness and be with me on this important occasion. Thank you Jesus.

Thank you my family, my loved ones, thank you for making this meaningful and important occasion an even better one and amazing beyond my expectations. Thank you for being there. I love all of you! =)

累

好累。。

今天，突然心血来潮想买一本中文文学书。结果就真的放任我自己，买了一本叫《相依》的书。希望会好读吧！=)

我要永远记住这一天 =)

昨天是我二十一岁的生日，大概也是有生以来最难忘的生日吧。在这超过二十四小时的时间内，我感觉超幸福的！所以我要把这一天好好地记下来，永远的储存在我的记忆里！

二零一一年四月九日，我和家人在 Ampang Lookout Point 庆祝了我和弟弟的生日。收到了妈妈送我的白金钥匙项链,和妈妈写给我的一封信。二十一岁了。能够和家人，包括婆婆，一起庆祝生日，我真的很开心。由于之前长年都在国外，我已经好久没跟家人一起庆祝生日了。在我二十一岁的这年生日，能够和他们在一个能够观望整个城市的夜景的地方一起过，很感动。之后，我们还回家切蛋糕。嘻！

在二零一一年四月时日0000时，dear 捧着蛋糕，唱着生日快乐歌走进客厅，给了我一个惊喜，送了我一把乌克丽丽！在这之前，我一直在想像二十一岁的生日想怎么过。最后的结论，是希望他会捧着一个蛋糕面对面的唱着生日歌给我听，这样，我就满足了。结果！它竟然真的实现了！而且，他买的蛋糕，还跟我想像的一样！^^ 感觉好甜蜜，好幸福哦！

之后，在教会里，Reuben Pak 竟然公开的告诉大家这天是我的生日，然后牧师还让大家当场唱了一首生日歌给我。虽然当时很害羞，心里却还是很开心，感觉很甜的。

教会结束之后，dear 就来接我，来到前，还说迷了路，问我怎么走。来到时他说要借教堂里的厕所上一下，我就等他啦。之后上了车，我还以为他会带我出去吃午餐，但他却突然说肚子不舒服，想要到我家借厕所，还装作一副很累的样子走错路。(害我还担心了他一下) 到家门口，车子不知怎么了，在我们关上门的时候，警铃突然响了。但我也不以为意，只以为那是 dear 不小心按到了什么。回到家里，我告诉婆婆 dear 要借用厕所，婆婆就一直往妈妈的会议室指。我还以为她是叫 dear 到里面的厕所上。但我隐约看见会议室里有人，还以为是妈妈的朋友，就一直在拒绝，dear 还一直问婆婆 “里面有厕所吗？” 突然，一群人捧着蛋糕，唱着生日歌，从会议室里走出来！原来是教会的 youth！我真的收到了惊喜。虽然之前，有人说溜了嘴，让我知道了今天大概会有什么事情发生，但我完全没想到他们会在我家出现! 真是惊喜啊！原来，dear 刚刚所做的一切，都是骗我的！（也让我意外地发现 dear 的演技与骗术好好哦! 我可要小心了！免得以后被骗了都不知到 =p）真厉害，他们都把车子泊到远远的，把鞋子都藏到后院，我什么都没看见，也完全没怀疑。就这样，他们就为我开了个生日派对，为我庆祝我的生日。=)

他们离开了以后，休息了一下，dear 就带我出去了。他说，要带我去一个挺远的地方，却怎么也不肯告诉我是去哪里。算了，我也就好好地享受这种期待的感觉吧！半路上，我发觉我们正往机场的方向去。心里想，“难道是去机场？应该不是吧。。” 之后，还真的越来越靠近机场了，我想到机场附近的 sepang circuit 今天有比赛！。“难道是带我去看比赛？” 我问他，他却只是笑笑，什么也不透露。“但 是现在已经很晚了啊。。人家四点种开始耶。。” 我们看到马路上，泊了很多车，他还说 “哇，都泊到来这里了，这么多车。” “真的带我来这里哦！” “不好吗？这不是常有的机会耶。。怎么办，这么多车，泊哪好呢？” “噢。。好啊。。不知道耶。。” （哈哈！真笨，我又中了他的圈套！）经过了 circuit，他问我 “看完了吗？” “？？” “看完了哦。。因为我们不是要来这里！哈哈哈!!” 就这样，他又挨了我一掌 （当然不是在脸上啦。。）。

我们终于到了！是海边！！Sepang Gold Coast。好开心哦！他竟然带我来海边耶！！我一直想要到马来西亚的海边。之前，也看到了前牧师来这度假时的照片，好美。。想着不知什么时候也能来。。怎知！我的愿望竟然实现了！！=D 天空也放晴了。我和 dear 就在海滩上漫步，辽望着宽阔的海，吹着微微的海风，看着在嬉戏的小孩和他们的爸爸妈妈，努力在放风筝和在露营的少年们，还有一对对像我们一样，幸福地走在海边的情侣们，真幸福啊。。dear 还一时兴起，买了一个小玩具给我 （不知道它叫什么，就是那个风一吹，就会转动的东西，还是个五颜六色的。）感觉还挺浪漫的。。嘻！我们就拿着他，在沙滩上漫步，拍照，然后坐了下来，看日落。我想要和他，只有我们俩，静静的坐在海边看日落的愿望又实现了！好幸福哦！=D

之后，他想带我到海边一家听说很不错，且很有情调的餐厅享用晚餐，但餐厅竟然被那些赛车的主办单位给包了下来！可恶！=p 但是没关系，我们就离开那里，到城市去寻吃的。*只要跟你在一起，吃什么我都无所谓，只要不太难吃，又可以吃得饱的就好了！嘻！* 他看见了一家好像挺不错的餐厅，我们就决定在那里吃了。食物还不错，餐厅的装潢好有家的感觉哦！很亲切。所以我们都还满意。 =))

吃饱了，我们就起程回家了！回到了家，他还陪了我一下，直到差不多0000时了才回家。大家都累了。梳洗过后，就带着笑容，马上倒头大睡了。虽然很累，但今天过得很开心，很甜蜜，很幸福，也很惊喜！

谢谢大家。谢谢爸爸妈妈把我养育得这么大，谢谢您们为我所做的一切，谢谢你们的牺牲，你们的教诲，我爱您们哦！谢谢我的好弟弟，这么乐意的配合大家安排给我的惊喜。谢谢教会里的年青人，虽然和大部分的你们相处的时间并不多，真正认识你们也不久，但很开心你们都愿意和我一起庆祝！谢谢我的 dear，让我在这一天，过得这么甜蜜，这么开心！我爱你！也谢谢大家给我的祝福！=))

我这辈子都不会忘了这一天。我一定要好好的记住它。记住，我是多么幸福的！=))

我会想念她吧？

今晚，没事先计划地陪着婆婆。看着她吃着宵夜得样子，突然感触，她离开过后，我应该会很想念她吧。。看着她房间里的每一个角落，每一样东西，她离开过后，这里会变成什么样子呢？每当我经过这个房间，我又会有什么感觉呢？

我最喜欢的大树

刚刚驾车经过一个公园，那里有几棵很大的树。树下有几个小孩子在玩乐。这令我想起之前也曾看过在这大树下有几个人在弹吉他唱歌。

像海洋一样，大树一直扮演着最佳听众的角色。它倾听了许多人的心声，对自己未来的希望及梦想，见证了许多情人对彼此的承诺，或是某些人处于暧昧的心情，也分享了朋友聚在一起的喜悦。它大得可以让小孩子们绕着它玩捉迷藏，也曾偷看了某个女孩的日记，孩一起陪孩子们听故事。它也倾听了许多人对社会的抱怨，对爱情或未来的绝望，被社会或家人、朋友逼着的压力，对于未来不知数的困惑、疑问。这样的大树，到底收藏了多少人的秘密，多少喜怒哀乐，多少悲欢离合。在这大树成长的过程中，到底经历了多少的风风雨雨。它身上累积着岁月的痕迹，也被天真或有梦想得人刻上了承诺及希望。它，像海洋一样，很伟大。

这样的大树，总是给我一种神秘感，却又同时给我一种很和蔼的感觉，还带有安全感。

这，就是我最喜欢大树的原因。=）

The light of Your love

No matter how ugly our pasts are, they all fade away in the light of Your love. =)

Lets soak in the presence of God.

原来，我们只不过如此

不知道为什么，感觉上我们之间的感情已经不如以前。好像少了谈话，少了联络。即使我们要联络，是那么的容易。也许是我的问题吧。由于发现了一些事情，就觉得我在你心目中的地位，原来也只不过如此，与其他人没差。会不会是因为之前的感情太好了，所以现在竟然会有一种好像被欺骗了的感觉？我们之间，好像不知在什么时候不知不觉地起了一道墙，还是距离被拉远了。虽然不想失去你，但我也没有做出什么实际行动。你好像也没察觉到吧？就算我们不再谈话，你也无所谓吧？没关系，我们之间，原来就只不过如此。之前一切，都只是我在一厢情愿，想太多了。

失望。无奈。气恼。

A whole new year, a whole new challenge (or many challenges?)

Since end of last year, I have been having this very strong feeling that this year's gonna be a very different year, not only to me, but to those around me, and I guess maybe almost everyone! I wasn't sure why, but I just had this feeling that it's gonna be a year of changes and a year of challenges. Was pretty excited to start the year, came up with lots of new year's resolution but haven't posted them up.. Eekz! will do that later.

So I have recently just accepted a huge challenge. To do something that I have never done before, and never even dreamed of doing before. I'm not sure why things are moving towards this direction, but I hope I'm not hearing wrongly and I'm doing the right thing. Although things have not officially started, I'm already starting to feel the pressure. It isn't easy for me to blend into a group of people whom I've never really had much ties with, since I have the tendency to close up myself quite often. Not only that, there're so many issues going on, and expectations too I guess from those who are looking, on top of the expectations I have of myself. I've always been the pampered one, but now taking on this role probably means saying goodbye to the "me" who always hide behind someone bigger? How am I going to do it? If I were alone, it's impossible. But I know I'm not. =)

Could this be what I've been feeling? Could this be the reason I'm back? Will they accept me? Am I the right person? I don't know.

Apart from that, i can foresee many new challenges coming along in the near future, including ending my student life and stepping into a working young adult's life, settling one million issues before I can officially start my nursing career, earning my own income, adapting to a whole new environment of the health system and nursing in malaysia, brother leaving to overseas for studies, etc plus others which I have not forseen.

My my... *takes a deep breath in* I shall take each one as they come with all the courage I have and all that my dear Lord gives me! JIAYOUUUUU!!! =D