Roller coaster

Back in the humid tropical country I love! Feels so good to be home! Feels good to see my family! Feels good to see my dear! Feels so good to sleep in my beloved room! Feels good to eat good home cook food! Feels good to eat good Malaysian food! I am happy! =D

However, on the other hand, the uncertainties of my future and my rocking faith is slowly eating me away. I'm slowly starting to lose focus. I don't know what I should do. Emotions are riding on roller coaster. Even though it's good to be home, the stress of constantly being questioned, constantly being expected to work, constantly being questioned of my abilities is high, constantly being discouraged and not listened to is still unbearable. I want to escape, already.

I need to work. I need to earn money. I need to rise up high. I can't slack. I can't take a break. I can't go for a holiday. I have no right to spend. I have to be independent.

I don't want to explain. I don't want to talk.

I want to be left alone.