我自己的命运，由我自己主宰。
不需向任何人解释，也不需向任何人交代。

但是，是父母把我带到这个世界来的，完全不解释，不交代，好吗？

Mary Did You Know

credits to ChrisP for the video.

A song about Jesus' miracles and love.
A video about the love and joy that pours out when Jesus heals and the power when He calms the storms.
A love that drives out all fear and gives courage and willingness to draw close to those whom people keep far away from.

Jesus the Great I Am.

Delicious!

Had my first dinner at Delicious in Bangsar last night with my dear~

Dear had Green Curry Chicken; while I had Thai Beef Salad. Mmm.... Delicious! =)

And then we ended our meal with a Black Forrest in a Glass. Yum yum~ sweeet~ =)

and some pictures of ourselves-- :p

我喜欢

喜欢依偎在你的胸膛，小声地和你谈着话；又或者静静地抱在一起，无声胜有声。在这些时刻，真希望我们能够一直这样直到永远。=)

实际行动，开始！

最近受到了刚逝世的朋友的启发，回头望一望我过去的生活，才惊然发现，我好像浪费了我二十年的岁月。感觉上我好像对这个社会，对我的家，对我的国家，及对我的人生从没做出太多的付出，也没有贡献。心里还常在想着长大以后我要实现这一个梦想，那一个梦想；但实际上却从没做出任何行动，所有的梦想都只止于幻想，一切都只是纸上谈兵。

现在假期到了，原想好好的享受，好好的放轻松，好好的玩乐；却觉得我在蹉跎岁月，生活除了自己的享受，毫无意义。再这样下去，我永远都只会活在白日梦里。所以，我下定决心了。我要开始实际行动，一步一步，慢慢的迈向着我的梦想及目标前进。我要完成我想做的事情（当然还有主耶稣要我做的事情），不让生命留下遗憾，也不让我自己有后悔的机会。

可容，加油加油加油！！！=）

19 November 2010, A.M.

It is joyful to know that you are now with our Lord Jesus, free from pain and suffering. However, our hearts still ache when we reminisce the good times we had together. Even though I wasn't a very close friend of yours, your kindness, your generosity, your beautiful singing voice, your ever willingness to help and sacrifice, still overflows into people around you and warms the hearts of many, silently.

Thank you for all that you have done for us. Thank you for being so willing to fetch me around all the time. Thank you for the sacrifices you made for our church ministries. Thank you for singing. Thank you for always sharing nice songs. Thank you for being willing to teach me bass (even though I failed to learn, my bad). Thank you for being part of my life, our lives. Thank you. =)

and I thank God for you.

You will be greatly missed. Your footprints are carved in our hearts and we will forever carry memories of you. Your beautiful soul will remain in our hearts, until the day we meet again in heaven.

Dear friend, 加油！

At that time, millions of emotions were just flooding my heart and mind. It's tough, to see a friend lying sedated on a hospital bed. I know, that God is in control, He has better plans that we probably won't ever be able to comprehend. But it's just bitter, to see a dear friend's life seemingly ticking away along with the clock; someone whom the last time I met was still active and happy, now lying sedated in bed because of the pain his illness is causing him.

It is my prayer, for him to overcome this illness, to defeat it and rejoice in victory. But also, for God to ease his suffering, to take the pain and suffering away from him. For God's will to be done. With all the faith I have, I believe God is working on His plan. A plan not to harm, but to prosper. Regardless of my understanding on His plans, it will be the best for my friend.

Dear friend, 加油加油加油！！You know we are all waiting for you to come back and join us with our outings, movies and randomness. And please do not lose faith in our Lord, He still loves you.

On another positive note, my driving skills are improving. At least I think it is. =)

Lead me and I will follow..

As I wait

I'll rise up like the eagle

And I will soar with You

Your Spirit leads me on

In the power of Your love

Roller coaster

Back in the humid tropical country I love! Feels so good to be home! Feels good to see my family! Feels good to see my dear! Feels so good to sleep in my beloved room! Feels good to eat good home cook food! Feels good to eat good Malaysian food! I am happy! =D

However, on the other hand, the uncertainties of my future and my rocking faith is slowly eating me away. I'm slowly starting to lose focus. I don't know what I should do. Emotions are riding on roller coaster. Even though it's good to be home, the stress of constantly being questioned, constantly being expected to work, constantly being questioned of my abilities is high, constantly being discouraged and not listened to is still unbearable. I want to escape, already.

I need to work. I need to earn money. I need to rise up high. I can't slack. I can't take a break. I can't go for a holiday. I have no right to spend. I have to be independent.

I don't want to explain. I don't want to talk.

I want to be left alone.

My prayer today

Dear Jesus, I pray for a miracle. All the doors for graduate nurse program has closed for me. Is this what You want? Do You really want me to go home? Without having at least a year of practice here, where I can get full support? No. I feel so unprepared. I feel incompetent. I am afraid. I feel unprepared to return home to practice at a country in which the culture and nurses training are so different. You have probably told me so clearly earlier when I asked You whether You wanted me to stay. You probably have told me that You wanted me to go home. But I was in denial. I refused to believe that that was Your plan. I prayed for You to close all the doors if You really do not want me to stay here. I prayed that You make it so clear. But Lord, now that You have closed all the doors, I still can't accept it. I don't want to go home just yet. I feel unprepared to leave this place. I feel unprepared to leave church here. I feel unprepared to face the reverse culture shock along with my incompetencies as a new graduate in an unfamiliar hospital. Please give me a miracle. Please.

But Lord, after 13th of October, when the results of the match was out, I realize.. this probably really is what You want me to do. You told me earlier of Your will for me to go home. Before 13th of October, You prompted me to buy a devotional book even though I don't usually buy them. And the devotions that 13th of October was on, was about faith and favour, on how we have to obey You and take that leap of faith and You will give us favour. You have closed doors, regardless of my effort in trying to get a position. Today, pastor preached the message of faith and the last sentence of his message was "if you didn't get the job you wanted, God has a greater plan for you".

As reality sinks in deeper and deeper in me, and as the date of my return to Malaysia draws closer and closer, it is even harder for me to accept it and I cry harder each day. But, I am ready to obey You. I am ready o take that leap of faith. I will keep praying for a miracle, but if home is where You want me to be right now, I will go. I trust in You and I commit my career into Your hands. I trust that You will provide all the support that I need. You know me more than I know myself. You know my abilities. I know that You wouldn't throw me in a situation where I can't handle. I thank You in advance for all that You are doing for me. I will do what You want me to do.

In Jesus name I pray, Amen.

Secret Love Letter

I love you
I wish you knew

You are my saviour
in times of desperate need
You are always there for me
encompassing time and place
Nothing is impossible for you
You always have the solution
to all my problems
You know the answers
for all my questions

You are always willing
to make me happy
You never get bored
You are full of stories
and surprises
Every time I talk to you
You respond to me
within a blink of an eye
You never fail

I thank God
for placing you in my life
for creating you
to be a comfort and help
in times of need
You are a miracle
You are a blessing

My love for you
increases day by day
My excitement
heightens each time I see you again
It is so strong
It is uncontainable
I wish upon the stars in the night sky
and plead to God
That you would forever be with me

I love you. Google.

Love,
Ker Yong
Shamay

Healing is in Your hands

Healing is in Your hands
by Christy Nockels, Daniel carson, Nathan Nockels, Matt Redman and Chris Tomlin

No mountain, no valley

No gain or loss we know

Could keep us from Your love

No sickness, no secret

No chain is strong enough

To keep us from Your love

To keep us from Your love

How high, how wide

No matter where I am

Healing is in Your hands

How deep, how strong

Now by Your grace I stand

Healing is in Your hands

Our present, our future

Our past is in Your hands

We're covered by Your blood

We're covered by Your blood

How high, how wide
No matter where I am
Healing is in Your hands

How deep, how strong
Now by Your grace I stand
Healing is in Your hands

In all things, we know that

We are more than conquerors

You keep us by Your love

You keep us by Your love

Today, our church had a healing service and there was an alter call for people who needed healing, so people went. Many of them. I was at my seat, praying for those out at the alter, but was also reflecting on how so many people need a healing touch from God and praying for the ones I know of. Lately, many people around me and their family member have been sick, be it physically, emotionally or mentally, and some are even experiencing loss of loved ones.

It is only by God's grace and power can all these be healed. God's love is so high, so wide, so deep and so strong, that nothing can keep us from His love and His power of healing. Especially us who are His children, we definitely have the grace from our heavenly Father, and in Him we are more than conquerors (Romans 8:37). Just like what is said in the song.

Healing is in His hands.

After church service, I was waiting at the tram stop, on my way home. I saw a father and a son playing at the tram stop on the opposite side, while waiting for their tram. The son was only little, probably 2 years old? or maybe 1 +? Not sure, but he was little. At one point, the son stretched out his arms, and ran towards his father excitingly (is this a word? =p), and the father, then stretched his arms, caught his son and carried him up with a big wide smile on his face. At that moment, I could see the smile of love of the father, so sweet.

This reminds me of how we have to come to our heavenly Father with a child-like faith; stretching our arms wide, running to Him, and knowing that He will catch us and carry us up and tight, with a big wide smile of love on His face. Because we are called His children (John 1:12-13; Galatians 3:26-27) and He loves us (John 3:16).

Daisies brighten up my day =)

I was never a big fan of flowers, until this spring. Daisies, are the MOST beautiful flowers on earth - I think -. =) I've just realize them this spring and instantly fell in love with them. The white ones, with shades of purple and a purple centre. =) However, they look even better when mixed with other shades of purple daisies, and of course, in a bush of green leaves, under the bright warm sun of spring. =D

Aren't they just lovely?? Well, the picture may not be as nice as the real thing, excuse my bad poor photography skills + I was in a hurry + it wasn't a very sunny day + I was using my phone camera. The real ones look much better. And, because it was rather cloudy today, the petals are not fully opened. On a sunny day, the petals open up more and they look EVEN better! *totally in love* =p I wonder if I could plant them in Malaysia. Would have a whole garden of them, along with other colours of daisies, and maybe other small little flowers. *heart heart*

On another note, our pastor shared something yesterday that I thought was very interesting and true: -God is Love-

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (Often quoted, bur probably never been given as much thought to)

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

Love = God

God is patient, God is kind. He does not envy, He does not boast, He is not proud. He is not rude, He is not self-seeking, He is not easily angered, He keeps no record of wrongs. God does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. He always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. God never fails. =)

Isn't that amazing? For all of us who wonder who God really is, there we have our answer. This is our God. =)

Afresh - Anew

Decided to start a afresh and anew, abandoning the previous depressing self i portrayed and reveal more than just the dark side. =)

Hopefully I will be able to keep this up!