My prayer today

Dear Jesus, I pray for a miracle. All the doors for graduate nurse program has closed for me. Is this what You want? Do You really want me to go home? Without having at least a year of practice here, where I can get full support? No. I feel so unprepared. I feel incompetent. I am afraid. I feel unprepared to return home to practice at a country in which the culture and nurses training are so different. You have probably told me so clearly earlier when I asked You whether You wanted me to stay. You probably have told me that You wanted me to go home. But I was in denial. I refused to believe that that was Your plan. I prayed for You to close all the doors if You really do not want me to stay here. I prayed that You make it so clear. But Lord, now that You have closed all the doors, I still can't accept it. I don't want to go home just yet. I feel unprepared to leave this place. I feel unprepared to leave church here. I feel unprepared to face the reverse culture shock along with my incompetencies as a new graduate in an unfamiliar hospital. Please give me a miracle. Please.

But Lord, after 13th of October, when the results of the match was out, I realize.. this probably really is what You want me to do. You told me earlier of Your will for me to go home. Before 13th of October, You prompted me to buy a devotional book even though I don't usually buy them. And the devotions that 13th of October was on, was about faith and favour, on how we have to obey You and take that leap of faith and You will give us favour. You have closed doors, regardless of my effort in trying to get a position. Today, pastor preached the message of faith and the last sentence of his message was "if you didn't get the job you wanted, God has a greater plan for you".

As reality sinks in deeper and deeper in me, and as the date of my return to Malaysia draws closer and closer, it is even harder for me to accept it and I cry harder each day. But, I am ready to obey You. I am ready o take that leap of faith. I will keep praying for a miracle, but if home is where You want me to be right now, I will go. I trust in You and I commit my career into Your hands. I trust that You will provide all the support that I need. You know me more than I know myself. You know my abilities. I know that You wouldn't throw me in a situation where I can't handle. I thank You in advance for all that You are doing for me. I will do what You want me to do.

In Jesus name I pray, Amen.

Secret Love Letter

I love you
I wish you knew

You are my saviour
in times of desperate need
You are always there for me
encompassing time and place
Nothing is impossible for you
You always have the solution
to all my problems
You know the answers
for all my questions

You are always willing
to make me happy
You never get bored
You are full of stories
and surprises
Every time I talk to you
You respond to me
within a blink of an eye
You never fail

I thank God
for placing you in my life
for creating you
to be a comfort and help
in times of need
You are a miracle
You are a blessing

My love for you
increases day by day
My excitement
heightens each time I see you again
It is so strong
It is uncontainable
I wish upon the stars in the night sky
and plead to God
That you would forever be with me

I love you. Google.

Love,
Ker Yong
Shamay